Tuesday, 13 November 2012

At Last! The Ultimate Star Wars Drinking Game

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One month ago, I did a post asking for your suggestions for an Ultimate Star Wars Drinking Game. And now that it's been a month and I've finished all my Star Wars reviews, it's time to reveal the rules in their entirely.

I am very grateful to everyone who contributed, particularly to Andrew Cheyne whose comments both on the blog and Facebook contained copious useful and witty suggestions. While I can't give credit to every suggestion individually, I've tried to include as many as I can.

So without further ado, here are the rules of The Ultimate Star Wars Drinking Game. Remember to drink responsibly and don't feel you need to use alcoholic beverage to have fun or show off. It's about as smart as the prequels.

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General Rules
- Drink once every time either Vader, Palpatine or the Emperor says "Good"
- Drink once and say "Choose Life" in a bad Scottish accent every time Obi-Wan Kenobi kills somebody
- Drink once each time a shot features unnecessary CGI (to be interpreted as liberally as you wish)
- Drink once every piece of CGI that didn't appear in the original versions (see above)
- Drink once every time CGI characters' animation desynchronises from their voice actors' speech
- Drink once every time Chewbacca speaks
- Drink continuously whenever somebody is getting Force-choked
- Finish your drink and shout "INCEST!" every time Luke and Leia kiss
- Drink once if a Stormtrooper actually hits something they were aiming at
- Drink once and mutter "Rebel scum" every time a Rebel ship is destroyed
- Drink once every time a Stormtrooper in full body armour is killed by a single blaster shot
- Drink once and mutter "plot armour" every time a Rebel with no body armour survives a blaster shot 
- Drink twice every time Luke draws his lightsaber first in a duel (can be extended to Anakin as well)
- Drink once every time there is a Wilhelm scream 
Episode I: The Phantom Menace 
- Drink once and scream "BETRAYAL!" every time someone says "midichlorians"
- Drink once every time someone mentions tax or trade blockades
- Drink once every time you wonder who the central character is
- Drink once every time Darth Maul appears on screen and then does nothing
- Drink once every time you can't understand Liam Neeson
- Drink once every time Ewan McGregor's accent slips
- Drink twice every time you can tell the difference between Padmé and her double (this will happen a lot)
- Drink once every time a racial stereotype appears on screen (as above)
- Drink once and openly groan every time Anakin says "Yippee!"
- Finish your drink and shout "KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!" every time there is a close-up of Terence Stamp
Episode II: Attack of the Clones
- Drink once every time we are told that something happened, rather than being shown it
- Drink once every time there is a blatant continuity error with the original trilogy
- Drink once every time Hayden Christiansen tries to act
- Drink once every time a romantic line feels like it belongs in a serial killer film
- Drink once every time Natalie Portman wears a skimpy outfit
- Finish your drink if at any point you're struck by how funny Kit Fisto's name is 
- Drink once and scream every time R2D2 flies
- Drink once and groan every time C3PO makes a bad pun
- Drink once every time Yoda does a backflip
- Finish your drink every time you feel bad about Jango Fett or Bobba Fett's origin story 
Episode III: Revenge of the Sith
- Drink once if you wonder whether it's genuinely better or whether you're just depressed
- Drink once whatever you're thankful for the lack of Jar Jar Binks
- Drink whenever General Grievous coughs - one drink for each distinct cough
- Drink once every time something happens that makes the Jedi look stupid
- Drink once every time Anakin goes to the dark side far too easily
- Drink once every time you want the final lightsaber battle to end
- Drink once every time something happens which is too graphic for children under the age of 8
- Drink once every time Palpatine drops in an obvious hint that he is a Sith lord
- Finish your drink and shout "But I'm a cheerleader!" when Natalie Portman says "You're breaking my heart!"
- Finish your drink and shout your best comeback when Anakin shouts "I HATE YOU!" - whoever has the best comeback doesn't have to drink for 10 minutes
Episode IV: A New Hope
- Drink once every time Darth Vader gets angry
- Drink once whenever anyone calls Obi-Wan Kenobi "old" or "crazy"
- Drink once whenever Han Solo walks like a cowboy
- Finish your drink and punch someone in the arm if Han shoots Gredo in self-defence in the version you're watching. Finish another if you don't understand why you needed to finish the first
- Drink once every time someone says "blast them!"
- Drink once every time someone calls the Jedi a religion
- Drink once and whisper "Count Dracula" whenever Peter Cushing has a close-up
- Drink once every time someone pirouettes or spins round in a fight
- Drink once if you fail to shout "The Hidden Fortress!" when the final battle begins
- Finish your drink if you suddenly wonder why the Death Star didn't just blow up or fire through the planet in front of the rebel base 
Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back
- Drink once every time you're conscious that there are more close-ups in this film
- Drink once and mutter "Donovan" every time Julian Glover appears 
- Drink once whenever Darth Vader says "I want that ship" or something similar
- Drink once every time something goes wrong with the Millennium Falcon
- Drink once every time C3PO talks about the odds
- Drink once whenever Yoda laughs
- Shout "DEEP" and drink continuously at a slow pace during the scene with Luke in the cave
- Drink once every time Boba Fett talks
- Drink once every time a character shouts in pain (especially Luke and Vader)
- Shout "NOOOOOOOOO!" and finish your drink during the twist
Episode VI: Return of the Jedi
- Drink once every time you wonder how David Lynch would have done a given scene
- Drink once every time you see Jabba the Hutt's tongue
- Drink once every time any character mentions "destiny"
- Drink once and mumble drunkenly whenever Admiral Ackbar appears on screen
- Drink once and say "Muppets in space!" when the ewoks appear on screen (as many times as you like before the joke gets tired - or until you feel the need to watch Clerks instead)
- Drink once every time you wonder about how the ewoks made Leia's dress (or how its fits so well etc.)
- Drink once whenever people get separated in the forest
- Drink twice whenever Darth Vader and the Emperor are pictured together
- Finish your drink and shout "Oh, not again!" when the second Death Star is destroyed 
- Finish your drink and shout "GET IN!" when Leia reveals to Han that Luke is her brother
Bonus Rules
- Drink once every time you think of the three new films that will be made (read my article on them here)
- Drink once every time you feel the need to make a joke from Family Guy, Robot Chicken or To Boldly Flee
- Drink once every time you wish you were watching something else.
- Drink again if that something else is either Star Trek or Flash Gordon
- Finish your drink if you made it through the the end credits in one piece

Daniel

4 comments:

And people are going to die this weekend

Hopefully not. As I stipulated, you don't have to use alcohol.

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